"Every fairytale needs a good old-fashioned villain. You need me, or you're nothing."



so I was thinking that mark ruffalo sounds a lot like mark buffalo, and then i decided that i obviously wasn’t going to be the only one who thought about this. so i typed ‘ruffalo the buffalo’ into google images and i found these…




i don’t know why but it made me happy 

I don’t know why but it makes me happy too.


It’s not a phase mom I really am the next supreme


relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 



If you put a bee in the freezer, it will get cold and fall asleep. After it’s asleep, put it in your mouth, but don’t eat it. Just let it sit there. It will get warm and wake up. Now you have a bee in your mouth.

Why the fuck would I do that


does anybody else clean their phone screen by wiping it on their boob or is that just me



The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

what a time to be alive


When your ketchup bottle precums onto your burger and u wanna cry

  1. guinness world records man: sir you have done nothing but do pushups from this one spot for 20 years with no rest. what drives you?
  2. me, still doing pushups: i wanna push this planet out of the idiot solar system and into the horrifying abyss of the unknown universe and this is the only way I know how
  3. world records man, in awe: [drops everything and instantly begins doing pushups next to me]